Thursday, February 14, 2008

The truth about dogs and cats

My coworker forwarded me this email today and it made me giggle. Of course, one can always improve upon animal funnies by adding LOLcats/dogs. So here's a laugh, just for the hell of it.

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My fav orite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

This morning I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly . I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...



Tumperkin said...


Well my day's got better!

Katie(babs) said...

LMFAO!! Happy Friday.
I may have been a dog in my last life.

Carolyn Jean said...

This is hilarious.

Susan/DC said...

I've had dogs and cats, and this is so true! OTOH, the male cat I have now thinks he's a dog and demands constant attention. It may be due to the fact that he's part Maine coon cat, which means he's larger than many dogs and that fact (along with the fact that he's not the sharpest tool in the shed -- his sister beats him hollow) has him confused.

lisabea said...

My beagle is eating the garbage! Her favorite thing!!!


sula said...

hehe. Glad you all enjoyed it. It certainly made ME laugh. I've had both cats and dogs in my life and I think I prefer the cats. They seem to have some serious intelligence behind those eyes, even if it is wicked and crafty. lol.

Kristie (J) said...

ROTFL - that pretty much sums up cats and dogs doesn't it? Thanks for the laugh!!! That was great!

Kristie (J) said...

Oh - and I tagged you. heh heh

ames said...

I laugh everytime I see this. Thanks for posting, especially with those pictures!! LOL